Headlights On Dark Roads
by liquidgarnet
Summary: Jude left three years ago, knowing she couldn't just pretend it never happened. Coming home is never easy, especially to a life she wanted nothing more than to leave behind. Jommy
1. I'm Miles From Where You Are

This is my first Instant Star fanfic… it's been a while since I posted anything I wrote, but I really like this one. This starts right after Unsweet Sixteen and goes completely AU from there. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: I'm Miles From Where You Are 

Jude strummed her guitar, letting the soft rhythm lull her into some sense of calm. It was the only time she felt a bit like herself anymore. Didn't help that she was in a strange city, away from home, trying to forget. It had been three years; you'd think some sort of acceptance would have come. But it didn't and here she was trying to grab onto something that had been a part of another lifetime. The din of noisy streets assaulted her as she got up to peer out the window. Everything was brighter in New York; it almost burned her eyes to look upon the streets. The frenzy of Times Square and tourists surrounded her and she tried for just an instant to pretend she was still in the studio, safe and secure with Tommy. She wasn't though and for the third time that night she let out a sigh, backing away from the window, back to the guitar lying on her bed. The apartment was spacious enough, but she always felt claustrophobic at night, when she was all alone to her thoughts. The last time she saw Tommy was the last time everything was normal, the last time she was just a kid. Singing softly she tried to forget.

_There had been alcohol, lots of it. Tommy wouldn't look her in the eye as she stood at the bar ordering another round of Tequila shots. This wasn't where he wanted to be, but she'd just looked at him with wide blue eyes, letting him know in no uncertain terms that he owed her this much. He had broken her heart only two hours earlier. Sick of crying Jude decided drowning her sorrows was the best option. Her rain-slicked skin was finally starting to dry underneath the strobe lights and she smiled winningly at the bartender. She didn't look sixteen, she looked nineteen easily, even with the hastily re-applied make-up and soaked satin dress. It clung to her in ways Tommy didn't want to notice, even though he did. He was still nursing his beer when she ambled back over a little tipsy on her heels. _

"_Come on Tommy try to look alive." Jude smiled at him hazily, letting herself fall into the seat next to him. She could smell his cologne and turned her head away, watching the many people throw themselves at each other in the dark, nameless faces. _

"_You've had enough, girl." Tommy tried to take her drink away but she was quicker. Her nose crinkled in protest as she cradled the drink to her chest, glaring at him. _

"_Oh little Tommy Q thinks I've had enough, well then." She snorted in derision and downed the rest, ignoring the burn in the back of her throat. It felt like her heart was still breaking even hours after the kiss, she could feel the cracks growing as she slipped further into the drunken haze. _

_She sat in his viper for the second time that night, cradling herself against the door. She wanted to cry, to scream, do anything but feel the way she did about him. He kept sneaking glances at her from the corner of his eye, as he watched the Toronto streets dance by. _

"_I can't go home." Jude said sullenly, the stench of alcohol surrounding her as she shut her eyes. Tommy gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, sighing, as if he realized that already. _

"_You okay?" _

_Jude just shook her head, looking him square in the eyes.  
"I feel like I'm dying Tommy. What did you expect?" Her tone is so bitter even she feels like wincing. It's true though, she'd never felt so alone. Shivering, Jude let herself curl more into the door, hoping to find some trace of warmth. The viper glided smoothly along the rain slick streets, the gentle hum of the engine, a soothing respite from everything. Jude didn't even notice they stopped until Tommy let out a frustrated sigh, hands tugging at his hair in a quest for control._

"_Where are we?" Jude's voice was hoarse as she looked at the high rise in front of her, a feeling of dread swimming over her. _

"_My place." He turned to her, "Can you walk?" _

_She wanted to come up with a scathing reply but it took too much energy, and the day had been too long, her brain too jumbled to do anything other than nod. _

_Jude looked around the apartment. It was too dark to see much but it was definitely minimalist. There was no colour, barely even signs of life in the place, which had an eerie calm about it. Tommy just charged right in; throwing things around, in a way she knew wasn't normal. His jacket pooled on the floor and random drops of water followed his path into the next room. She didn't know what to do with herself, the pounding in her head had kicked in and she felt like curling up and dying more then anything. Swaying slightly, she watched through blurry eyes as Tommy came back into the hall, holding a change of clothes and a towel out to her. The bathroom was spacious and she slowly slid the lock in place, sliding to the floor. That's when she let herself cry, the kind of sobs that shook her entire body and made her throat ache. She wanted to destroy something he loved so badly, but as far as she could see, Tommy didn't love anything, accept maybe the Viper. Pulling her knees to her chest, she let her headrest against them for a moment; trying to push away all the feelings, gain some sort of calm. Everything swirled and danced before her, the tile a spinning wave of grey. She slowly stood, steadying herself against the door, and getting the first good look at her reflection. Her make-up had smudged and she wiped at it furiously, hoping to wash away the remnants of the night. Where Tommy had cradled his face in her hands, where his lips had been. She chocked out another sob, the sound of running water swallowing it. _

_When she finally came out, dressed in a pair of baggy sweats and his sweatshirt she felt worse than before. His smell was all around her, burnt into her skin like a red mark. She couldn't wash it off and her heart ached every time she took a breath. There was something so intimate about wearing his clothes, which hung loosely on her thin frame it was what lovers did. Only they weren't lovers, she wasn't even sure they qualified as friends. He was sitting on the couch, sipping a tumbler of amber liquid. It seemed he waited to drown his sorrows until she was done. He didn't try to look at her as she made her way to sit across from him. He was too entranced by the ice clinking against his glass, the droplets of condensation rolling down his hand. _

_They didn't talk. He drank, and she sat legs tucked underneath her, hands toying with the frayed sleeves of her sweater, his sweater. _

"_I never wanted this to happen." Tommy looked at her then, trying to make her see the anguish in his eyes. It was reflected in her own, her own pain too strong to try and comprehend his. _

"_Well it did Quincy." She refused to look at him her eyes dancing around the room. _

"_You don't understand what it's like to want something you know you can't have." She laughed at that, a hoarse sound that wasn't even remotely like her. Standing she went to the window, looking over the sleeping city in silence. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to hurt anymore. Her promise to him just a few hours earlier was on repeat in her mind and she just wanted it to stop. His lips, his words, were like cancer, slowly spreading through her body, killing her. She'd never been so happy as she was in that alleyway pressed against him, tasting him. Everyone had to pay for true moments of happiness and she was no exception. _

_She wasn't expecting strong arms to encircle her waist, his face to be buried in her hair. She didn't jump in surprise, just watched their reflection in the windowpane, so close to some precipice of despair. _

"_I'm so sorry." He whispered into her hair. His breath smelt like alcohol and cigarette smoke, but she knew he wasn't drunk, just sad. Take another little piece of my heart was on repeat in her head, the upbeat ditty making her want to cry all over again. _

"_Make the pain go away Tommy." She turned in his arms, face to face with him. Her big blue eyes begging him to do something, something he knew he couldn't. _

"_I'm not that guy, Jude." He broke away from her roughly, almost sending her sprawling at the loss of his body as an anchor. She just pressed on, following him into the kitchen. His back to her, she pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades, trying in some way to comfort him. He relaxed in her hold, gripping the counter tightly to keep from turning around. _

"_I'm your girl Tommy, always was, always will be." She whispered into his shoulder, hoping he could hear her muffled admission. She knew he'd take care of her like he always did, she knew he'd quell the pain even if he was the cause of it. She didn't really know what she was doing anymore. Sliding to his side, her fingers touching the side of his face, caressing his cheek forcing his eyes to hers. _

"_Your girl Tommy." She whispered, seeing the flicker in his eyes. He was breaking down, at her admission, the way she was giving herself to him freely. Without naivety or innocence, it was raw and mature, an acceptance of the truth._

_She forced him to turn halfway, his arm instinctively wrapping around her waist, placing her between the counter and his body. He looked down at her, red hair gleaming slightly in the lamplight, eyes so clear he almost saw his reflection. She was begging him to love her, and he couldn't not give in. He nudged her cheek with his nose, warm breath against her ear; she shut her eyes, tilting her head towards his. When their lips met, it was slow, just a taste, before it got deeper. His arms encircled her waist fully, until she was flush against him, hands trailing along his neck. His brain was only slightly addled by the liquor. She was so young, too young to be his; she would never be just another notch on the bedpost. Tommy pulled away enough to let her breathe, the look in her eyes unreadable in the near dark. _

"_I love you Tommy, so much." Her throat nearly closed at the admission, fresh tears springing to her eyes and he watched her. His breath danced against her skin, warm gusts keeping time with hers. _

"_No you don't, girl." He tipped her head up with his finger, forcing her to look him in the eye. What he saw there was something completely new to him. It dared him to question her words, almost taunted him to prove her wrong, the strength in her eyes only belied by the way she gripped his arms to keep steady. _

_Tommy wanted to break away again, but instead his lips claimed hers, temptingly slow he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, gaining entrance. She moaned into his mouth, pressing herself against him, the feel of his thumbs caressing the skin of her hip, laid bare as her shirt rode up. He rested his forehead against hers, not able to stop his palm from cupping her cheek. _

"_Give me tonight Quincy?" _

The rest was just a blur of lips and fingers, moans and screams. Erratic heartbeats and panting breaths Jude remembers the feel of him on top of her, the weight of him comforting in an odd way. She woke up before he did and left a note. _This never happened. _She hadn't seen him since. Disappearing into the abyss, while her songs started to make the run on the radio. The tabloids spent months trying to figure out her disappearance, everything from drug overdose to secret lover and in between. Jude was good at disappearing though, years of practice at school had trained her for that fateful morning. So she died her hair blonde and changed her name, not that hard to do, really. Especially in New York, where no one cared to know you from the thousands of other people that roamed the streets. She was still his girl though, even with a different name and hair colour, and that hurt more than anything.

"Momma?"

"Pumpkin what are you doing out of bed?" Jude watched her little girl come forward sleepily, rubbing her eyes. Ella just settled in her lap, curling into her like a contented cat.

"Where's daddy?" She looked up at Jude with big innocent blue eyes and it nearly killed her.

"You know daddy is a very important guy, that's why he can't visit. He loves his little munchkin though." The little girl yawned sleepily, and Jude pressed a kiss to her tousled black hair. Lifting her into her arms and taking her back to bed. She gently laid her down, and watched as Ella curled into a ball, sucking her thumb. She was the most beautiful thing in the world. With a heavy heart she picked up the frame on the nightstand. It was Ella's favourite picture, she loved to clutch it in her little fingers during story time staring in childish awe at Jude and Tommy. Back when her hair was still red and the two smiled at each other in abandon. There was always subtext but until her sixteenth birthday it didn't bubble up. Jude couldn't help but be jealous of herself, as odd as it sounded. At least that Jude had Tommy in her life, even if it was just friendship. God she missed him.

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	2. There is no peace that I've found so far

Thanks for the Reviews! I have a bunch of chapters already written so hopefully I'll be able to update often.

Chapter 2: There is no peace that I've found so far

"She's gotten so big!" Sadie exclaimed as her and Jude strolled through the park, eyes fastened on the little girl running ahead with abandon.

"Ella slow down." Jude called out. "Yeah seems like just yesterday she was learning to walk." She absentmindedly stated. Sadie smiled a little, letting her eyes settle on the pathway, as they ambled along the water. Fall was beautiful in New York, she had to admit, especially in central park, as the leaves changed colour giving everything a certain charm. They found a park bench and sat down, Ella happy to bounce in her mothers lap while her and Sadie talked.

"So how is Kwest?"

"Good still all about his work, and stuck with this bitch Karma..."

Sadie flushed as she talked about planning the wedding, absent-mindedly twirling her engagement ring. Jude couldn't help but be jealous, this was the way things were supposed to go, love, then marriage, and then baby in a baby carriage. She'd imagined her and Tommy living that life so many times she was almost convinced it could happen. That he would be the one running out to get pickles and ice cream at three in the morning because she craved it. That he would be the one to hold her hand and try to soothe her as she gave birth. He wasn't though. It was Sadie who was there. Through the cravings and the labour, even when she brought Ella home and sat by her crib crying because she looked so much like Tommy. Jude remembered being up all night trying to hold Ella without breaking into sobs. Through it all Sadie didn't leave her side, didn't tell a soul where she was.

"I'm glad you came Sades." Jude commented earnestly, letting her scuffed sneaker trail against the cement.

" Miss thanksgiving with my favourite sister and flower girl? Never." Sadie bopped Ella on the nose lightly, earning a squeal of laughter in response. Sadie fell quiet as she stared at her niece; watching as her long black lashes fluttered against her cheeks, pink from the slight wind.

Jude noticed her scrutiny and offered a small smile, "She looks like him."

"I definitely see some Jude Harrison in there too."

"Yeah." Jude answered weakly looking away.

"Look this probably isn't the best time but…" Sadie took a breath toying with the purse on her lap and avoiding Jude's eyes.

"Out with it Sades."

"Tommy's back."

Jude wasn't expecting that and despite her best efforts she couldn't stop the ragged breathing and slight tremor in her hands. Ella just kept on humming to herself, alone in her own little world. It's not like she expected him to stay away forever but she wasn't ready to face that part of her past.

"He won't be able to find me right?"

Sadie sighed slumping a little, "That's the problem Jude, and he's been looking for you for two years, following every tabloid lead."

"Then make him stop Sadie! Tell him I ran off to join a cult or became I nun, just make sure he can't find me!" She couldn't help that rabid panic that overtook her. Jude's life was barely held together as it was; she didn't need him complicating it again. Her heart couldn't take being volleyed around like a tennis ball again.

"I tried Jude, but little Tommy Q, seems to have his heart set on finding you."

"Well as long as he's looking for Jude Harrison and not Anne fielding we're fine."

Ella was starting to get antsy, her nose scrunching in protest of not being able leave her mother's lap.

"Does he know about her?" Jude looked so lost; that all Sadie wanted to do was wrap her arms around her and make the pain go away. Seemed so ironic that the girl who needed a mother most was one.

"I don't know Jude, I don't think so."

The diner was never busy this time of night, but she liked it best that way. When the only clients were local bartenders on their way home to crash, as well as more than a few call girls and strippers. They tipped well and weren't loud so Jude could enjoy a little serenity in the quiet.

"Hey Jude." Missy called quietly from the counter. That earned her a glare until she backed down and smiled.

"You really hate that, huh?" She clacked her long fake nails along the linoleum, watching while Jude poured her a cup of coffee. Missy looked garish under these lights, her makeup heavy, liner slowly smudging beneath her eyes. Jude was used to it, handing her a napkin to wipe some of the glitter and gloss from her face.

Missy smiled in thanks. "So how's the munchkin?"

"She's good, when you gonna come baby-sit again?" Jude raised an eyebrow at the blonde before her. Missy had been the only person to recognize her as Jude Harrison, seeing through the cheap hair dye and unflattering uniform. She was working as a stripper to put herself through art school at NYU, and somewhere along the never ending late night shifts Jude and her became friends.

"How was it tonight?" Jude asked, pouring a cup of coffee for one of the local truckers, who sat hunched and unmoving other then a grunt of thanks.

"Good. The tips were okay, not a lot of tourists at the moment but it'll pick up." Missy flipped her compact open, scrubbing some of the eye shadow off with her fingers, before finally giving up and sighing.

"Your sister still in town?"

Jude shook her head, "nope she left yesterday."

Missy nodded, letting a comfortable silence settle over them, as she picked at the grooves in the counter, not caring if the fluorescent pink chipped off her nails.

"So have you been writing?" Missy nudged Jude from her thoughts, earning a look of surprise.

"Kind of… it's hard with Ella and work and stuff."

"And without Tommy?" Missy wasn't really asking, she knew deep down that without him Jude's songs were just words, she needed him in a way she didn't want to admit. Jude chewed on her bottom lip and nodded distractedly, trying not to show how even his name could make her drift away to a better time. Missy instinctively, reached her hand out to Jude's, giving her look of understanding even if she couldn't really grasp it all.

"Things work out Jude."

"I don't know… I have to go back home next week for the wedding. God Missy I'm scared."

Missy hunched a little over the counter, her eyes shining with hope that she hoped would erase some of Jude's worries.

"It's gonna be okay hun, that stupid saying about how you can never go him is complete bull shit. You can, you came here with a little money and a kid on the way and you survived. Going home is gonna be a cake walk."

"Yeah." Jude still couldn't help the feeling in her gut telling her this would be bad.

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	3. I pray that something picks me up

The Reviews have been awesome; I really appreciate everyone who gave me feedback.

Chapter 3: I pray that something picks me up

Jude was frazzled, stressed to the max and very close to having a complete mental breakdown. Travelling was never her forte, but with a two year old and the constant feeling of dread that going home provoked, everything was so much worse. Sadie had already left three frantic messages to make sure she didn't chicken out and not show. Words like Maid of Honour and Flower Girl, were thrown around in between threats of bodily harm and I love you's. Of course Ella had been fussy all morning, refusing to leave her side for a second so Jude could pack. This was already starting to be a complete mess, and she hadn't even gotten to the airport yet.

Three hours later, a little bit of uncharacteristic bribing and they were finally landing in Toronto. Jude tried to work out the kinks in her shoulders, hoping to forget for an instant that she was coming back to everything she had run away from. She would have been crying, but Ella was loosely keeping her together, cooing softly and mumbling to herself. If for just a second she could look at her little girl and not see Tommy, it would be the best second of her life. Jude couldn't love her anymore though; her heart was almost bursting with the thought that something so beautiful had come out of a time in her life that had been so painful and perfect.

"You excited to see Aunt Sadie?" Jude whispered to her daughter, smiling at the flight attendant as they got off the plane and started the walk to the terminal.

"Cited!" Ella bounced happily, on Jude's hip, earning a soft smile.

"Jude!" Sadie's voice rang out through the terminal, making everyone stop to look. Jude smiled awkwardly as some stared a little too long, she'd forgotten what it felt like to be recognized and the feeling was not welcome. Sadie came to stop in front of her, immediately plucking Ella from her arms and smothering her with kisses.

"Way to be subtle Sades." Her sister had the decency to look a little sheepish, but soon she was overcome with glowing bride syndrome again and any hope of silence was squashed.

Nothing had really changed. The streets looked the same, rain falling softly against the windshield as Sadie continued to yammer on excitedly. Jude nodded occasionally but for the most part her eyes stayed glued to the window. Watching the cars pass by them, each time she felt that maybe the viper would be one of them.

"Jude are you listening?"

"Yeah, sorry I spaced a little."

"I know being back here is hard, considering most people don't know Ella exists and thought you were dead, but it'll be okay…"

Jude let out a hoarse chuckle, "Well when you put it that way, sign me up!"

Sadie glared. "You know what I mean. This means a lot to me by the way."

Jude sighed shifting slightly to get a look at Ella sleeping soundly in her car seat, happily oblivious to all the emotions rolling around them.

"Part of me wants to see him. She loves him Sade and he doesn't even know she exists, eventually daddy is busy won't work as an excuse."

"You did what you could Jude, you were sixteen and alone."

"I had you." Sadie smiled at that, pushing a strand of Jude's hair off her face.

"The party at G Major tonight, if its too much..." Sadie stopped at the light and faced her sister fully.

Jude just shook her head, "it's now or never Sade."

Jude was starting to wish it was never. Seeing her dad again had been hard enough. He was so happy just to look at her and know for sure she was still in one piece. Adding Ella to the mix was almost heartbreaking, he very clearly felt the loss of something between them. Stuart had to admit Jude was no longer a little girl and that Sadie had been lying all this time. It wasn't a pretty conversation. Jude threw her bags down, letting herself fall onto the bed that had once been her. The room looked exactly the same. Every photograph, note, lyric, everything had been frozen in time. She was sixteen again and scared and still so very in love with her producer. God things were screwed up. Shielding her eyes from the now glaring sun peeking in through the blinds, she slowly let out a calming breath. Counting back from ten she tried to find a happy place in her mind to reside for just a few minutes, but he was there. Tommy was holding Ella, video taping her first birthday and her first steps. The truth was Tommy was always there, and she hated it, but deep down, Jude needed it. To find solace in the fact she wasn't truly alone, even if she was.

When Jude asked Sadie to borrow her car, it was like being sixteen again; she got the typical awkward questions and shifting from side to side. Before having to plead her case and beg a little. Jude got her way though, Ella had learned her puppy dog face from the best and for once since landing she got to be alone and take it all in. Her brain was on autopilot, the car gliding around the slowly darkening streets, her promise to be back in time to get ready echoing in her head. Jude knew where she was headed, even if her heart didn't want to. She pulled the car to a stop across the street from G Major, palms sweaty as they gripped the steering wheel like a lifeline. Just seeing the place made her nauseous with worry and soon enough she would be ensconced in the past, forced smile in place and excuses poised on her tongue.

"Momma?"

"Yeah rock star?"

"Hungwy."

Jude smiled slowly lifting Ella from her car seat and taking her to coffee shop they were right beside.

"Daddy and me used to come here all the time."

"_Oh come on Quincy the lyrics aren't that bad, it's the chords that aren't working." Jude peered at him over her Grande mocha, seeing him shake his head in disagreement. _

"_Nice try Harrison, but your lyrics so far are, oh and yeah." _

"_Hit song in the making I feel it in my very tired bones." Jude stretched her arms above her head feeling her muscles cry out in pain. Long ass hours at the studio were not doing good things for her posture, or her hair for that matter. She quickly tied her hair in a ponytail, her bottom lip poking out as she ran her fingers over all the bumps and uneven parts. That earned a laugh from Tommy. _

"_What is so funny?" Jude asked in annoyance, turning her glare on Tommy. _

"_Bad hair day, girl?" _

"_Very funny, last I checked little Tommy Q. didn't leave the house without pomade in his pocket and an emergency comb." She smiled cattily, sipping at her quickly cooling coffee. Tommy became quiet, eyes downcast as he toyed with the napkin beneath his cup. Jude almost felt bad for saying what she did but something told her it was about something else entirely. _

"_You aren't like anyone else, girl." His voice cracked a little, and when he did look up and meet her eyes, there was a strong sadness cloaking them. Jude got it, they couldn't be together but they couldn't be apart. It was a tug a war that would never end, between right and wrong, happy and miserable. _

_Jude smiled in sadness. "You're pretty unique too Quincy." _

That was the last time her and Tommy had come to this place. I was the night before her sixteenth birthday.

"Mrs, what can I get you?" Jude blinked at the server, momentarily in shock from being pulled from her memory. She couldn't really speak, her voice not working, so she stared dumbly at the barista for a few seconds. Those seconds changed her life.

"She'll have a Grande mocha, right girl?"

Dun Dun Da! Don't worry I have the next chapter written so I won't leave you in suspense for longJ Please Review!


	4. There's hope in just one final second

See I'm not that evil, I come bearing a new chapter! Just so all you Reviewers know, you make my day, seriously all the feedback has been amazing and I just hope the story never lets you down!

Chapter 4: Maybe there's hope in just one final second

He was there, standing right in front of her, staring with an unreadable expression. Jude slowly backed up, trying to put space between them, her mind running a mile a minute as she tried to form words. Her voice still wasn't working and her mouth just opened and closed in shock. Tommy was right in front of her, and he hadn't changed at all, still in his scuffed leather jacket and signature shades. Jude felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she thought about how she looked. Bouncing a two year old on her hip, hair in a messy bun with tendrils of blonde framing her face. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to be here.

"Daddy!" _oh shit!_ Was all Jude could think as Ella started to squirm. Why had she insisted on showing her daughter that picture every night, why had she been so stupid to come back to this place? Feeling like nothing more then a teenager, she did what she knew best, she bolted.

His expression was stuck in her head as she slammed through the coffee shop door, trying so hard not to cry as she pictured the shock, happiness and betrayal that had flashed in his eyes. Jude dug in her purse, frantically looking for the keys, which were evading her nimble fingers. Ella started to cry, struggling evermore in her arms and Jude thought about just collapsing on the sidewalk and joining her.

"Jude." She froze, of course he'd followed her, of course he wanted answers. Her hands were starting to shake and she tried to no avail to soothe Ella. She finally turned to meet him head on, her breath coming in sporadic bursts, an invisible hand clamping her heart. She could almost picture someone laughing at the situation she was in; I told you so echoing in the soft breeze.

"Tommy." It was all she could manage to get out and even then her voice cracked, any strength she had seeping from her. God she was tired, the whole day had been a whirlwind of people and emotions and Tommy was not something she was prepared to deal with.

"Daddy!" Ella squealed again, reaching her chubby arms out to Tommy, even though a few feet separated them. Jude could see his eyes focus on their daughter, his gaze clear and unreadable as he stared. Something in his posture changed, the casual slump had become a rigid nervousness. His eyes didn't know where to look and when he settled back on Jude she could almost feel a blast of cold air pass between them.

"Is this why you left?" He croaked out, taking a small step forward, knowing she was skittish. Jude had imagined this moment so many times, but none of them had involved a cold day in September on an empty sidewalk downtown. The wind started to pick up and it chilled Jude to the bone, unconsciously she pulled Ella closer, watching Tommy.

"Yes."

They shared another moment of tense silence, ignoring the few passers-by's that stepped between them.

"I can't do this right now Tommy, I have to go." Jude could feel the car keys digging into her palm and she held tight to them like some sort of salvation. Tommy closed the distance between them then, and she could see his eyes clearly now, the stormy blue enough to make the fear in her rise.

"You ran away once, I'm not going to let you go again." His jaw was clenched in determination and Jude took a step forward, equally as determined.

"You aren't ready for this Tommy." Jude raised a hand to his cheek, seeing the shock in his eyes as her the pads of her fingers danced over his skin. The touch was intimate and so familiar she almost broke, wanting so badly to fall into his arms and have him take the pain away. Then she turned around and walked away, knowing her heart and head had to battle a little more before she was ready to give into either.

_Right about now, if I'd found the right words to say  
I'd tell you you're safe and take hold of your hand  
I'll be there by your side for the rest of your life_

Sadie was fussing over her. Trying her best to calm her own nerves by focusing solely on Jude. And it was starting to give Jude a headache, especially since all she wanted to do was sleep for days, maybe years. Jude was patient through having her makeup done and playing dress up but it was starting to grate. She put her hand on Sadie's arm stopping her from picking the curling iron up.

"Sades I'm fine okay? You don't have to act like I'm going to break."

Sadie didn't stop her nervous flitting, and that's when Jude knew something was up, something big. Her sister sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the corner of the comforter, chewing her lip in thought.

"Sades?"

"KwestchoseTommyashisbestmanwhichmeansyouhavetowalkdowntheaisletogetherdontbemad." Jude's eyes went round, not sure if she'd caught the jumbled mess of words that had tumbled from her sisters mouth.

"Tommy is the best man, and I'm the maid of honour and our daughter is the flower girl. Quite the family affair, huh Sades?" Jude sunk further into the chair in front of her vanity. Brushing her hand through her hair she couldn't help but feel defeated and oddly loopy. A ghost of a smile played on her lips and then she was laughing, laughing so hard her sides began to hurt. Sadie just sat stock still, afraid to reach out and touch Jude. The laughing turned to sobs, gut wrenching, guttural sounds that rose from Jude's throat leaving it in a state of burning. She clutched her stomach, almost doubling over but holding herself up. When Jude looked in the mirror, all she saw was her make-up running, ruining the hours of work put in, she looked like she did that night. Jude chocked out another sob before looking her sister in the eye, Sadie looked horrified, but oddly soft as she reached out and wiped the wetness from Jude's cheek.

"It's going to be okay."

"No it won't Sade. I left, I ran away, I kept his daughter from him and now I don't know what to do. I never wanted any of this to happen."

"I know. Let's get you fixed up."

_And I'd like to change all this  
And I'd like to wake up from this  
By your side  
How did we ever survive for this length of time?  
Living with only a care in the world_

Jude took a sip of her luke-warm champagne, smiling at a dancing Sadie and Kwest, her heart breaking a little at how happy they looked. G Major had changed, after Darius took over no one was safe, Jude was lucky he hadn't killed her the minute he walked in. The air was tense, whispers about her return and possible daughter making it's way around the room. Jude for the most part, stayed seated at one of the make shift tables strewn about the room and waited until she would be allowed to leave. Her thoughts drifted to Ella at home with Stuart, who had claimed it was time to get to know his granddaughter. Jude just squirmed in her seat, regretting letting Sadie chose the blue wrap around dress and heels for her to wear. Plus her butt was going numb. She lifted the glass to her lips and nearly chocked on the bubbly liquid as Tommy took a seat across from her. It wasn't lost on Jude that Tommy had been lurking for the better part of two hours, sticking far enough away to not bother her, but make sure she didn't run, again.

"So she's mine?" He didn't waste anytime and Jude averted her eyes, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

"Yes."

She could hear Tommy let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. His hand tightened around his glass and she knew he was fighting throwing it at the wall behind her head. She'd always had this effect on him.

"What's her name?"

Jude let out a sigh; knowing Sadie's eyes were on her. "Not now Tommy."

"Then when, girl? When you decide to run again?"

Jude blinked at him, her mouth agape, trying to form some sort of retort, when her cell phone rang, breaking the tension. Jude quickly answered and muttered 'excuse me' before running for the alleyway. She pulled her sweater tighter around herself, to ward against the chilly fall air.

"Dad, what's wrong? Is Ella okay?"

"Ella's fine, just being a little fussy, so I'm having trouble putting her down…" Jude couldn't help but smile at the sound of her father's haggard voice.

"It's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay, just put her on."

"Hey rock star, it's mommy, you giving Grandpa a hard time?" All Jude heard was a silent "miss you." It made her heart melt and she couldn't help but feel the tension drain from her body.

_You never lied to me not once  
Its not your fault that I cant trust  
Its in my past, its in my path and I can't go there  
Making a mess out of this game  
To see it all go up in flames  
So tired of being ruthless and wreckless_

_Time to be your only one  
To almost be you're way too young  
Time to crash into the sun  
Time to be your 21  
Time to dream that love will last  
Time to drive my car too fast  
Time to walk before I run  
Time to be  
Ohh time to be your 21_

_I don't believe in love and I  
I pull it to the wall  
I tasted sweetness there to laugh so hard as it falls  
And I could push you there if you don't stop me  
Push you there if you don't stop me  
Please stop me_

_Time to be your only one  
To almost be you're way too young  
Time to crash into the sun  
Time to be your 21  
Time to dream that love will last  
Time to drive my car too fast  
Time to walk before I run   
Time to be  
Ohh time to be your 21_

_Its gut wrenching sometimes  
Its life threatening sometimes  
Seems like nothing can wash it all away_

_Time to be your only one  
To almost be you're way too young  
Time to crash into the sun  
Time to be your 21  
Time to dream that love will last  
Time to drive my car too fast  
Time to walk before I run  
Time to be your 21_

"Jude it's your dad, Ella's fast asleep."

"Works every time, I think it helps that I can hold a tune."

Jude shut her phone off, and leant against the railing, letting her head dip down to look at the ground.

"I've never heard that song." Jude jumped slightly at his voice but part of her knew he'd show up sooner or later.

She smiled wistfully, "I wrote it after I left, and she likes it because I said it was our song."

Jude peeked out from beneath her bangs, trying to gage Tommy's mood. He was out of her reach though, a closed book, content on staying that way.

"Her name is Mariella, Ella for short." Tommy nodded coming to stand beside her, leaning his back against the railing and looking at the stars.

"So I'm a dad." He said quietly, something in his voice drew Jude's eyes to his.

"Yeah you are."

This place started it all, this stupid alleyway, where he'd kissed her for the first time. Everything had come full circle in a way and Jude had never felt so empty.

"You want to go some place and talk?"

"Yeah."

_But the light that shines from her  
Whenever she's happy is worth every minute that we've saved ourselves  
Maybe there's hope in just one final second_

Preview for the next chapter: Tommy, Jude and alcohol, have never been a good mix.

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	5. Champagne Supernova

Thanks for all the awesome reviews! So this is probably the last chapter I post for a week because I'm off to Florida. So enjoy!

Chapter 5: Champagne Supernova 

Jude didn't want to open her eyes, she could feel the sun streaming in through the window and it was making her head hurt like hell. She fought to swallow her mouth as dry as sandpaper. Moving was not an option, so she blindly reached out to pull the sheets over her head, her hand accidentally groping something muscular. Jude's eyes shot open, despite the piercing pain she braved the sunbeams and finally took in her surroundings. Grey muted walls, sparse and very much not her room, the panic began to set in as everything came swimming back to her. Jude looked to her left for the first time, taking a deep steadying breath before finally seeing Tommy half naked and passed out beneath the covers.

"How did this happen?"

_Jude never really wanted to come back to this place; it was just another page from her past, one she had thought was finally shut. Tommy let them in and went into the kitchen, leaving Jude to look around in his absence. It hadn't changed, except for a few pictures, and the framed disc on the mantle. Jude grinned a little at that, her first and only album had gone platinum, she remembered reading about it in the papers. By that point she was eight months pregnant and so far away that it didn't really matter. She slowly took her sandals off, happy to not have her feet crammed in the monstrosities that were Sadie's shoes. She took a seat in the big chair across from the couch, folding her legs beneath her and waiting. Tommy came back with two glasses of wine and the bottle, placing it on the table between them, assuming his position on the couch. It brought Jude back to that night three years ago and she could tell Tommy felt the same way._

_Jude didn't drink much but she was convinced this conversation would require some liquid courage. They didn't speak right away, letting the silence seep into the room and choke it of any happiness. Occasionally they shared a look but for the most part Jude kept her eyes downcast, watching the way her wine swirled as she shifted the glass. _

"_Why girl?" Jude's eyes snapped up to his and the breath was knocked out of her. He looked so lost, the usual fierce calm in his eyes, broken with sadness. She looked for the words, but they didn't come and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. _

"_Because I was scared Tommy, I didn't want you to tell me just to pretend it never happened." _

"_So you kept my kid away from me? Disappeared for three fucking years?" His voice raised an octave and Jude couldn't help the anger that flashed inside her. _

"_Be honest Quincy, you weren't ready to be a dad! You would never have admitted that you slept with a sixteen year old and got her pregnant. You couldn't even admit you kissed me!" Jude was desperately clinging to her wine glass, trying not to lose herself in anger. _

"_Don't assume you know what I would do Jude, you left, not me." _

"_You think it was easy? I was all alone Tommy! I had to raise a kid with no help or contact with anyone but Sadie." Jude was standing now, her fists clenched at her side as she paced the length of the rug. Tommy watched her with keen eyes, swigging the rest of his wine and pouring another glass, hoping to ebb some of the pain away. There was a distance between them, to the point where neither could even have a screaming match like they used to. _

"_You should have told me." Tommy repeated, earning a snort from Jude. _

"_Tommy you gave me hope and then threw me away, I wasn't going to stick around and let you do that again!" _

_Tommy shot up at that, the table still separating them. "You think this was easy for me?" His face contorted with anger and he threw his wine glass at the wall. _

"_Predictable Little Tommy Q, throwing things when he doesn't get his way!" _

_Jude stormed into the kitchen, trying to calm herself, until the short bursts of breath became even again. She clutched the counter then stepped back as if it burned. She was his girl three years ago, and she still was in some way and it was killing her. She ambled back into the living room, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking down at Tommy. _

"_You done having a tantrum?" _

"_Jude… not now." _

"_Oh but I thought you wanted to do this now, Quincy? Hash everything out, proclaim yourself right and be done with it. Wasn't that the plan?" She quirked an eyebrow at him condescendingly, earning a glare. _

"_You kept her from me. You don't know how hard it was to lose you girl and now I found out I have a kid…" He took a sip of his wine and stared at her over the rim. _

"_You didn't lose me Tommy, I made a choice to stay away, to keep you from losing everything. This was about doing what was best for once, you couldn't make that decision so I did." _

"_You ran." Tommy wasn't going to let her get away easy, and they both silently fought for dominance, in the vicious circle that was this situation. _

"_I did my best." _

"_Why didn't you come back when you were eighteen then? Huh, Jude?" His arms flailed slightly as he spoke and she rolled her eyes sinking back into the chair. _

"_You weren't ready to be a dad Tommy, to be honest I wasn't ready to be a mom, I didn't want you to know about Ella because I didn't want you to feel trapped. I didn't want Ella to feel like she was just someone in the way, I know what that feels like." Jude's voice was growing hoarse and she let her eyes wander to the window, seeing a sea of yellow light streaming in from the surrounding buildings. _

_Tommy let out a ragged breath, "I would have been there for you Jude, and you just didn't trust me enough. You did what you always do, charge ahead and do what's best for you, screw everyone else." _

_Her eyes flashed at that, the ire growing as she watched him cavalierly finish off the bottle of wine and uncork another. Her first glass still lay untouched, but she downed it in a gulp, letting the warmth set in and swallow the chill that was creeping through her. _

"_Quincy maybe I didn't trust you because you were banging my sister before you kissed me. Or maybe it's because you've always been so gosh darn good at commitment. I mean common Little Tommy Q a parent? The two don't mesh." Jude surprised herself at the evenness of her tone, and it wasn't lost on her that she'd hit a nerve. She poured herself another glass of wine and sat back, watching Tommy grapple with her words and the rage that was overtaking him. _

"_Yeah 'cause you always screamed maternal, girl." _

"_Fuck you Tommy." He chuckled a little, making himself more comfortable on the couch. They settled in for the long haul, glasses in hand and glares in place. _

_Two hours later and four bottles of wine between them and Jude couldn't see straight. She tried to stand but only tipped forward, an inch from falling into the coffee table before Tommy caught her, setting her down beside him. She giggled as he swayed and tried to balance himself before toppling over next to her. Jude turned her body towards Tommy, letting her headrest against the top cushion, he followed suit. _

"_Did you miss me Tommy?" _

_He pushed the hair from her face and nodded, his lips quirking upwards, "yeah girl." His voice was hoarse, but soft and Jude melted a little inside. _

"_I'm sorry I ran, I was scared and I couldn't do the whole pretend it never happened thing again." _

"_Did you know you were…" Tommy motioned to Jude's stomach and she laughed a little at his awkwardness._

"_No. When I did find out I know I couldn't give her up, I thought I wasn't coming back and it was selfish but she was a part of you that would never leave. Oh my god I'm being all girly and Sadie-like." Jude shook her head, trying to shake away some of the emotional weight off her. _

"_She called me daddy." Tommy was so close she could see his eyes spark with pride and a slight bit of wonder. Jude felt the same way whenever she looked at Ella, no matter how screwed up the two of them were something so beautiful had come from the wreckage. _

_She tucked her legs closer to her chest. "I tell her about you, about us. She likes it, she has this picture of us from that night, won't let it out of her sight." _

_Tommy was quiet for a second, entwining his fingers with Jude, looking at her to see if she would pull away. The contact made her dizzyingly warm, the fog of drunkenness silencing the alarm bells. There was something so easy and comfortable about being this close to Tommy, they shared a child, and you couldn't get more connected then that. They'd missed all the good stuff though, the simple hand holding and basking in each other's company. Jude felt like her heart would burst the longer she waited for him to speak. _

"_I'm here now, girl."_

"_I know and it scares me." _

_He closed the distance between them, his lips stopping her from voicing the doubts poised on her tongue. It was a frenzy of emotion thrown into one kiss, anger, happiness and doubt. Jude pushed closer to Tommy, shutting her eyes tightly and getting lost in the moment, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks as he grappled with the wrap around dress, pulling away to meet her eyes. Jude smiled, letting herself slowly stand, testing the sureness of her footing. Once she felt solid enough, she reached a hand out before her, laying the palm open to Tommy, silently drawing him closer. He stood, stumbling slightly as his hand took hers and she led them to the back of the apartment. _

Jude shook her head, wishing she had something hard to slam it on, maybe that would force some common sense into the tangled mess that was her brain. No such luck. She had still gotten drunk and slept with Tommy, again. As if the two-year-old remembrance of the last time wasn't enough to make her think twice about repeating the pattern. She quickly pulled herself from beneath the sheets, her limbs only shaking slightly as her feet met the cold hard wood floor. Trying not to squint too hard against the sunlight she shrugged her dress and sweater on, grappling with the ties. Jude tried to tip toe out of the apartment hoping that maybe, just maybe some of her dignity would remain intact. Despite the fact she was a sucker for Tommy and alcohol, two things which when put together seemed to draw her like a moth to a flame. Digging through her small clutch she let out a defeated groan. "Tommy drove, shit!" She didn't mean to say it aloud but the soft grumbling from the bed made her go ramrod straight.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to realize." He mumbled into the pillow, earning a smack upside the head. Jude let herself crumble into a defeated lump, leaning against the headboard and staring distractedly at the ceiling. The cracks of sunlight cast a warm glow over the room, lulling her into complacency.

"I'm never drinking again." Jude moaned tiredly, scrubbing her eyes with the heel of her palms. Tommy only laughed, most of it swallowed by the pillow. When he did turn his head to look her in the eye, she felt her heart might burst. He looked at her with a dewy gaze, still addled by sleep and completely unguarded. Jude couldn't resist reaching out to run her fingertips over his cheek, down the column of his throat to his shoulders. The muscles tensed and uncoiled with her touch and she sat in silence eyes following her fingers. There was something so disarming about this moment; Jude almost forgot what the outside world held. All she felt was the fullness of finally getting the memories she had walked out on.

"Jude I…" Her eyes snapped to his, the moment broken and the intimacy shrinking back into the night as the sun swallowed the darkness. She pulled her hand back and shifted off the bed.

"I should go, Ella has been with my dad for a while." Her clipped tone made Tommy grit his teeth, nodding his head the only correct answer to stop another argument.

"Yeah I'll go grab my clothes."

"I was thinking I could just take the Viper for today, I have to go to G major later anyway so I'll leave it for you." Jude wouldn't look him in the eye as she fixed her make-up, trying to fix the smudges and dull look of her skin.

"I dunno Jude, the Viper? It's well tricky…"

"Don't worry Quincy I can drive stick now." Jude couldn't resist a slight tremor of laughter at the way Tommy's face coloured. She was an adult now, what had happened between them wasn't wrong or illegal, it just was.

"The keys are in my coat pocket." Tommy sat up slightly, the morning light, creating a subtle glow around him and Jude was struck silent again. Her muscles cried out in pain at being forced into movement so early, but she pushed forward, stopping in the doorway.

"Thanks Quincy." And then she was gone. Leaving Tommy alone in the room amid the smell of vanilla, he could almost taste it as he took a deep breath and laid back.

Jude left the top down, the wind assaulting her already bedraggled up-do. The viper smelt like musk, a hint of cigarette smoke embedded in the leather, and she mentally noted to kick Quincy's ass for smoking again. The streets were empty this early on a Sunday and Jude revved the engine slightly, feeling the car lurch forward before evening out again. There was a sense of power that came with driving a Viper, could also have something to do with how Tommy had just given it to her, his most prize possession. A wicked grin overcame her features as she imagined all the things she could do to the car.

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	6. It's all over but the crying

Thank you for all the reviewsJ

Chapter 6: Its all over but the crying 

Sadie smiled like a Cheshire cat the minute she spotted Jude pull into the driveway. Bouncing Ella on her hip she took her position just inside the entrance, leaning casually against the doorway.

"Someone get lost coming home from G major last night?" Sadie smirked at the way Jude jumped in the air, like a scolded teenager sneaking in. She was hastily pulled together and seemed to be clinging to her purse as her cheeks tinged with red.

"Shit Sades! You scared me." Sadie just rolled her eyes.

"So how is Tommy?"

Jude glared at her sister, dropping a kiss to the top of Ella's head.

"I'm going to shower."

Sadie watched Jude leave, shoes still dangling from one hand, while the other smoothed out the creases in her dress.

"Your mommy and daddy are so silly, yes they are." She quietly cooed to her niece, watching her giggle and clap her hands as if in silent agreement.

Jude held her breath, slowly dipping under the water; opening her eyes she watched the ceiling swim above her. It was quiet underneath the water, simple even and part of her wondered how long she could stay under before the constriction in her lungs began. The moments with Tommy replayed through her head, a taunting game of you fucked up. Her muscles ached in time with the pounding of her head, and she stretched her limbs out in the tub, letting her headrest against the porcelain edge. It was no doubt she would pay for this latest Tommy related mistake, just when things were starting to look simple. It was true sex did complicate things. Instead of learning from her mistake she chose to repeat it. Taking another gulp of air, she slipped beneath the water. Her hair danced around her like uncoiling snakes and she smiled at the peace.

Jude slammed the door to the alleyway, her heart beating too fast to be normal. Thumping her fist against the closest brick wall, she let out a yelp of pain. Tears threatened to escape her eyes but she forced them back, taking a few deep-steadying breaths. Damn Darius, was all she could think through the haze of anger clawing its way through her body.

"I saw the Viper, you showed restraint." Tommy smirked slightly, closing the gap between them in a few short steps. Jude's head whipped up at his arrival, her eyes narrowing as she steadied in on him.

"Did you know?" She spat, crossing her arms over her chest in a typical defensive gesture. Tommy cocked his head to the side, his own eyes narrowing at the accusatory tone coating her words.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Darius exercised the clause in my old contract, he wants me to make another album, with you as producer, he wants one big happy family." Her lip curled in disgust, barely holding back from punching the wall again. Her hand was throbbing, and the whole situation made her feel spineless, the latest marionette.

"I didn't know, girl you gotta believe me." He tried to grab her hands in his but she shrugged him off, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Darius wants us to move in together, give the record label better publicity, guess he prefers that, to drunk producer fucks artist and abandons child." She was starting to shiver but she held strong, her eyes trained on Tommy's', searching for some sort of reassurance that it was all just some sick joke. As much as she wanted the happy family, she didn't want it for some PR scam, she wanted the real thing.

"You say it like being a family is a bad thing Jude, she's OUR daughter." He stepped into her personal space, face millimetres from hers, his hot breath coming in bursts against her cheek.

She didn't back down. "You aren't ready Tommy."

"Why, because you decide when everyone is ready Jude? Last time I checked I was an adult a hell of a lot longer than you."

"Yeah and you slept with a minor, way to go adulthood." She pumped her fist once, a mocking smile claiming her placid expression. She could see Tommy's temper starting to rear its ugly head again and she steeled herself for another fight. They were nothing if not consistent.

Tommy ran his hands through his hair in frustration, his nerves so frazzled he couldn't concentrate. Jude was more and more of a mystery to him, which hurt more than anything. This was the girl he'd felt more of a connection to then anybody else and it had killed him, broken through every good excuse, until he'd given in. This Jude wasn't his though. This Jude was tough out of necessity, unbending but broken so deep he wasn't sure anyone could fix it. Tommy couldn't resist seeing Jude as a sacrificial lamb to his alter of depravity, it was his fault and she was all too willing to remind him of that fact. Anytime he tried to reach for her she shied away, gravel cracking beneath the soles of her shoes.

"Calm down girl." His tone was even but her hackles immediately went up, no matter what he said it would be wrong. He gave up, sliding to the ground, getting comfortable as he could while Jude paced the length of the alley.

"You don't get it Tommy I have a life, this place it isn't home anymore. You can't just swoop in and save the day. You can't expect me to just live a lie because it's convenient for Darius and you." She looked him straight in the eye, trying to remain tough despite the feelings coursing through her. She was betraying him again and shooting herself in the foot, they both wanted the fairytale, but neither knew how to reach up and grab it. Jude sighed letting herself fall beside Tommy, her eyes focused on the murky grey clouds that were shifting above, only little glimmers of sunshine managing to crack through. Without tearing her gaze away she held her palm open to Tommy, "I need one."

She could feel his bewildered gaze settle on her, and she cursed her luck for his lapse in intuition.

"I need a cigarette." She whispered the last bit almost conspiratorially and he couldn't help smiling, because he for once had the upper hand.

"You smoke?"

She rolled her eyes, already exhausted with the twenty questions.

"I started when Ella turned one, it had just sunk in that I was alone, and it was…" She paused rolling the cigarette between her thumb and forefinger. "Comforting."

He nodded in silent understanding, holding the lighter out to her after his own was lit. The smoke slowly wafted up between them, the silence comfortable for the first time since meeting in the alley. Jude stared guiltily at her cigarette, taking another drag and shutting her eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of momentary piece.

"I was going to kick your ass for smoking again."

"How did you know?"

Jude tapped her nose lightly, allowing a ghost of a smile to cross her lips, watching Tommy nod in understanding.

He rested his head back against the brick wall, tilting it towards her. "We're parents." The way he said it made her let out a shallow breath.

"Yeah."

"So now what?"

Jude shrugged her shoulders, tossing the cigarette onto the pavement and stubbing it out with the toe of her shoe.

"I use to hide packs all over the house, so that Ella couldn't find them. On the fire escape, in the pantry…" She trailed off; sheepish at the look Tommy gave her as he tried to piece together her incoherent thoughts.

"I don't know what we do Tommy, this isn't really my home anymore."

"This isn't about just you anymore."

She stiffened at his response, effectively dragged from any comfort she felt. Slowly standing she brushed herself off, and put a few feet between them.

"Can you drive me home?"

Jude followed the sound of Sadie's humming, finding her twirling around the island, completely lost in her own mind. Jude flicked the switch off on the stereo and smiled at the yelp her sister let out in surprise. Feeling slightly vindicated for the hassle she'd had coming back from Tommy's.

Jude immediately sobered, lugging herself tiredly to one of the stools. "Am I selfish?"

Sadie's brows knit together in confusion. "Huh?"

"Well Tommy keeps saying I'm selfish, but I mean, he's wrong, right? I raised that little girl on my own for two years, that isn't selfish!"

"No it's not but Jude…" Sadie glanced down at her hands, trying to find the best choice of words.

"Jude remember when I threw you that baby shower? And you cried because all of the presents were for Ella and not you?"

Jude opened her mouth to protest and shut it again. "It was the hormones!" She replied indignantly. Sadie just cocked her head to the side. "Yeah, okay."

Jude groaned, head falling against her arms.

"I am a selfish bitch."

"Don't be so dramatic, another one of your faults by the way. Tommy isn't perfect either, you make quite the pair actually."

"But what do I do Sadie?" Jude looked at her sister with pleading eyes, already rimmed with tears as everything began to overwhelm her. Sadie slowly reach her hand out for Jude's'. "It's time to grow up Jude."

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